Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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