for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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