He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
