I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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