WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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