I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
