You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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