I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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