We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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