He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
