Screwed.edu
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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