So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
