I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
