did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
