So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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