I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
