All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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