Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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