i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
