Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
