I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
