That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
