ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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