Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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