my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
