found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
