I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
