Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
