But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
