I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
