So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
