how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
