OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
