so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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