He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
