You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
