umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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