like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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