I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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