I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
