She's JV to your varsity
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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