suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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