his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
