Quick, to the slutcave!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
