Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
