your parents love me but you hate me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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