Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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