when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
