All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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