every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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