didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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