Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
