Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
