you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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