I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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