i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
