P.S. I can't hear my feet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
