My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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