why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
